Monday, July 30, 2007
So now it's just me and the four kids. Four kids and me, all day long. Just me to change diapers, fix breakfast and lunch, put the young ones down for nap time and keep the older ones quiet. Me and four kids running errands, going grocery shopping, keeping busy. I'm sure this will help me appreciate all that Vince did while he was home. But, I've got to go now, I've called a "family meeting" with the kids to try and break them in on how things are going to change around here. Hopefully some of it will sink in.
A job! It's about freaking time!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Cel-e-brate good times come on. Doo doo doo do do do woo hoo hoohoo. Cel-e-brate good times, come on. Doo doo doo do do do do do.
An extended set of "me time". Vince took the kids camping for a couple of days. And while I'm not looking forward to getting up early with Annamaria and Francesca (Vince always lets me sleep in and takes care of the babies in the morning), will miss my cup of coffee he always brings me in bed (you mean I have to make it myself?), and hate being solely responsible for the safety of my children in the middle of the night, there are some perks. 1) I can watch all the crappy TV I love to watch without Vince making scoffing noises. Sex and the City, The Girls Next Door, The Soup on E!, Scrubs (he actually likes Scrubs but thinks JD and Turk act too gay). 2) I can eat anything I want, anytime I want without anybody asking me if I'm going to record that on my Weight Watchers points. 3) I can stay up as late as I want reading Harry Potter books without feeling guilty about the light disturbing his sleep. But there are many negatives too. 1) Mostly I actually enjoy his company. 2) I don't like being alone in the house at night. If I had a dog or a cat to keep me company once the babies were in bed I'd feel better. 3) I stay up waaay too late reading Harry Potter books because I'm uncomfortable turning off the last light to go to sleep. My imagination is just too active sometimes.
So it's a quarter to midnight, I'm going to give up on the companionship of the television and the computer and see how much Harry Potter it takes before I give up, turn off the light, and try to get some sleep.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Maybe it was the fact that our house was selling and we had three weeks to get out of dodge, maybe the added fact that I had a two month old in addition to my other three children to care for, maybe it was that fact that I was (am) in denial about being old enough to have a twenty year reunion. Maybe it was "whatever", but I tossed the postcard and got on with life. Jump ahead about six months, and I find myself in Texas, knowing five other people outside my immediate family, and trying to adjust to my new life in my new surroundings. Then I remember that post card and look up the info on the internet. And the site is great. I can post a profile, look up old year book photos, read other people's profiles, so I registered with the site, and after much debate posted a profile. A short little blip of info on what my life has been about over the past twenty years. Try to keep it light, emphasize the positives. Can anyone really let people know who they are today in a couple sentences? If anyone bothered to read my profile, would they really care anyway? Would they even remember who I was?
I still cannot believe it's been twenty years. I decided right away not to attend. For a few reasons, but mainly my justification was that I haven't kept in touch with a soul. Not one person can I still call "friend". And I realize that friendship is a two-way street, so I'm not placing blame. I'm just saying. I still have a couple friends from college that I'm in contact with. And had a great handful of friends from California, most of which I owe a e-mail or a phone call. Also, did I really want to shell out a few hundred bucks to go see a bunch of people I haven't had anything to do with for the past twenty years or so? Honestly, when I read the names of people that responded I couldn't for the life of me remember most of them. I thought a face would jog my memory better than a list of names. I've never been good with names, but faces I remember. So looking at the old year book photos, I still found myself unable to remember most people. Was high school so tramatic that I blocked out a great portion of my memory of it? It is early Altzheimer's? So strange to think, I spent at least four years of life with these people and I'm having a hard time even recognizing their faces. And if I'm having this hard of time, why would I expect any of them to remember me. And thinking back to high school, I never was part of the "in" crowd. And our school was so clique-ish. And I don't feel I ever fit into any particular category. I felt so alienated by the fact that I wasn't accepted by so many people because I 1) didn't buy the right brand of clothes, 2) wasn't sporty, 3) wasn't pretty enough, 4) wasn't smart enough, the list goes on and on.
Then, if I'm being honest, maybe I'm just not where I thought I'd be in twenty years. Not that I could picture myself twenty years into the future. I remember in elementary school, the millenium was twenty years away. And our teacher asked us where we thought we'd be in twenty years. I could not even picture myself at the age of thirty. No idea what I'd be doing, what I'd look like, etc. I've never been able to have an idea, a plan, an expectation. But looking up some old classmates I've found out they're lawyers, some own their own businesses, some live in over million dollar homes, and really, I just can't compete. Don't get me wrong, I know I could be doing worse, but I also know I could be doing better. I'm a loyal friend, a great wife, a good cook, and I love my kids ferociously. But part of me always feels that I could have accomplished so much more by this point in my life.
Out of probably morbid curiosity more than anything else, I joined the Yahoo groups site for my reunion. Again, great to see who was linked in. Got to look at the photos people posted of themselves today, with their spouses and children. Yet I cannot sum up the courage to post any myself. I think my children are gorgeous, (if I do say so myself) and I'm proud of my husband. So I have a couple (few) grey hairs, and my pant size is bigger than I'd like it to be, but give me a break. I've had four children and my youngest is less than a year old. I'm working on it. Plus there is the added burden of loving to cook, and loving to eat. But it's not like I'm huge, I'm just not the same size I was in high school. But really, who is? And if you are, I just don't think I want to know. And am I so shallow that even I am judging myself by my physical appearance? And if that is my hang up, why would I expect any better than anyone else? But if I wasn't accepted back then, why would I expect them to accept me now, regardless of my pant size. And if I've grown and matured wouldn't they have too? But I can picture myself, showing up at the reunion, being snubbed by the same people that snubbed me twenty years ago. And really, I just don't have the time or the patience for that crap. And most of all, why do I care? If I can't even be bothered to keep in touch with any of them, why would I care what they thought today?
In another reality I can picture a reunion full of happy and accepting faces. Everyone getting along, everyone having a good time. I think deep down I would really like to go, and have that happy fairy tale of a reunion. But life is not a fairy tale, so why would I expect my reunion to be?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
"Eileen Prince and Tom Riddle were at Hogwarts together. Tom was dark and handsome. Eileen was the homely Captain of the Gobstone Team. She was smitten with Tom's good looks and his popularity. But Tom paid her no attention.After graduation, Tom was working for Borgin & Burkes, bumping off old ladies and stealing their junk when one day, he bumped into Eileen Prince. She was stilll homely but at least she was young and an easy mark. He lured her into the bushes for a bit of the old slap and tickle. Then Tom Riddle disappeared.Poor Eileen realized she was pregnant. To quell the gossips, she married the first muggle to walk past her door. His name was Tobias Snape. Tobias realized that Eileen's parents had a few pounds sterling and decided it might be a good arrangement. He marries Eiileen and they have a baby who they name Severus. However, things turn ugly when Tobias finds out that Eileen is really a witch and the only money her parents have is magical money which is no good in the muggle world. Tobias is a bully and a drunk. He goes out one night for a pint at the local pub and is never heard from again.Severus grows up thinking his father is Tobias Snape. He goes to Hogwarts and joins the Death Eaters. That's when Eileen tells her son The Secret: Severus real father is Tom Riddle Jr., also known as, Voldemort (audible gasp). The only other person Eileen tells her secret to is Albus Dumbledore. No one else knows"
Obviously I'm not as obsessed as I thought I was. At least not compared to others.
"Do I dare look? It just seems such a tease. I guess a girl can dream."
"Oh, I can't wait to see what's new. It makes me happy just thinking about it."
"It all looks so good, I can almost taste it. Too bad it's not a scratch and lick!"
"Hey, Mom? Did you see? Regional oysters, flown in fresh. Oysters on the half. Oysters on the half!"
"Now, leave me alone and let me salivate in peace."
She's a girl after my own heart.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Vince took Sophia and Harrison to a store he is in search of. And the good news is that the store is somewhere between here and Ft. Worth. So they'll be gone for a while.
Annamaria is down for a nap. And so is Francesca. So that just leaves me. Me and no noise. No radio, no television, no DVD's, no noisy toys. No one asking for juice. Or whining for something, but I'm not knowing what because they are not using their words. No one leaving their dishes on the table. No one leaving their drinks with ice melting sitting in the family room.
Ahhh, the quiet.
Should I go read? Take a nap? Fold some laundry? Tidy up a bit? The possibilities are just about endless.
I made a batch of Coconut Rum Ice Cream earlier. Maybe it's cold enough to add to the ice cream maker now. But that would make noise, so maybe I'll wait. I could always pop in a Harry Potter movie. And actually get to watch it undisturbed. Lie on the couch, with the volume down low. Sounds like just the thing. I think I'll do that. After I sit here and enjoy a few more moments of silence.